What Makes Communication Energizing and High-Quality?

I. I know—they know—I know; they know—I know—they know:

1. Each other’s talents, character, breadth of vision, depth of understanding, generosity of spirit, respect, and affection;

1. Knowing that the other person is extraordinarily good, outstanding, and wise, while also knowing that they are simply an ordinary person with limitations and limits; knowing that an ordinary person possesses innate wholeness, and that simple, unadorned truth, goodness, and beauty have power.

II. We can speak freely

1. About my latest, most advanced insights, without worrying that the other person will fail to understand and laugh at me. As someone who believes in Marxism and Zhuangzi, I usually have to assess the other person’s positions, worldview, values, and understanding, then say things they can understand and accept. It is exhausting.

1. Speak freely about my newest, boldest, most ambitious ideas. It will give me energy, not drain it, and I will have no regrets.

1. I can talk about the dark sides of myself that I find most shameful and avoid most, as though confessing to the best psychotherapist or priest, knowing that this will not destroy me but will instead elevate me.

1. I can speak freely about how I see the other person, without having to veil anything.

1. There is no need for any polite formalities, deliberately simplifying my thinking to accommodate the other person, reading their expressions and watching their reactions, testing the waters, or trying to please them; instead, humor comes naturally.

III. The effects

1. Creating a space for deep communication and positive selfobject experiences; like a harmonious dance; nourishing both people.

1. New ideas, inspirations, sparks, and frequencies keep emerging. It is like Van Gogh talking with his brother, constantly coming up with new ideas for paintings, techniques, and views on aesthetics. Creativity explodes as though it costs nothing.

In a word, everything is free and natural, unfolding of its own accord; anything unnatural or contrived must be kept out.

How enviable the friendship between Marx and Engels is. Friendship actually seems even harder to come by than romantic love—or rather, if romantic love were held to the standards of friendship, it would be rarer still.

My earlier piece, “Only Engage with First-Rate and Beyond-First-Rate People,” addresses a similar topic.