My Inner Child Heals Me

The “Inner Child” Heals Me

I. “I” Keep My Inner Child Company

Discussions of psychology often speak of “healing your inner child.” But as I understand it through my framework, much of the time it means keeping your inner child company and waiting for it to heal naturally—the natural healing that comes from the tranquility of the id and innate wholeness (see my earlier article, “Everyone Suffers: Answering a Reader’s Question—Why Is Fate So Unkind to Me?”). And much of the time, it is the inner child that is healing “me.”

What “I” means involves the structure of the “I.” (See my earlier article, “The Structure of the ‘Self’ in Different Schools of Thought: Freud, Horney, Zen Buddhism, Daoism, Marx, and Others.”) When we use the word “I” in everyday life, it refers to the “I” as ordinarily understood, what Horney calls the “actual self.” It includes surface-level verbal thinking, the emotional I, the ego’s karmic obstructions, the intuitive I, the false self, and so on—the surface and middle layers of the I.

The inner child is a deeper layer of me, with two sides: a. karmic obstructions, such as trauma, defenses, emotions, and so on; b. the id in its innate wholeness. Together, these manifest as a kind of “psychic energy,” with its own direction and driving force. “I” often do not understand this psychic energy very well: I do not understand why I feel dejected, avoid things, or procrastinate, or what directions and pursuits I truly long for. “Following the heart” is important precisely because the actual self and psychic energy are often at odds: the elephant and its rider. A blind man rides a blind horse, approaching an abyss at midnight.

In my earlier article, “Psychic Energy/Libido Determines Destiny,” I said I like using the name “libido” for my psychic energy, unconscious, and inner mind, because it is mysterious, difficult to define, lively and nimble yet also fierce and unruly, sometimes energetic and sometimes dejected, sometimes barely dipping below the surface and sometimes as deep as the sea. So “inner child” really is an evocative term.

II. Much of the Time, the Inner Child Is Healing Me, but “I” Am Ungrateful

Take various defenses: some rebellious behaviors are actually the inner defense mechanisms protecting one’s soul—for example, anger, or dissociation. Defense mechanisms are all good; they protect us. They simply leave behind landmines that need to be cleared in peacetime.

In another kind of situation, psychic energy/libido/the inner child feels deeply wronged. It is clearly pursuing self-actualization, has worked very hard to realize truth, goodness, and beauty, and has even accomplished astonishing things, yet “I” am still dissatisfied. It is like a child who has difficulty communicating: a. He has thoughtfully done something deeply touching. For example, without my noticing, he has paid attention to both diet and exercise, helping “me” lose a lot of weight so that “I” can show off wherever I go. b. Or he has quietly done something heartwarming: for example, “I” resent him for scrolling through short videos, but he has watched many warm, beautiful, unpretentious videos and quietly left likes and comments, while I do nothing but rage. c. He is absorbed in going to internet cafés, but watches very good films and anime there, while “I” feel dejected and furious. d. Or he is developing his talents: drawing, mathematics, and so on. But his parents are too dejected and exhausted to see or acknowledge this.

For example, I have put real care into reading many books, resonated with a great deal of energy, and written many very good articles on Marxism-Leninism, Zhuangzi, psychology, investing, and even mathematics and computer science, while also helping many people. But for a long time, “I” was dissatisfied, because “I” still identified with the mindset of a small-town exam ace from a computer science department and a migrant worker in Beijing, envying highly paid programmers at the top and belittling myself. Yet I failed to face the facts of my own life, my experiences, my psychic energy, and my inner journey. The actual self had been subjected to far too much objectification, commodification, alienation, and disciplining.

III. The Inner Child Is My Brother

Much of the time now, it feels as though I am keeping my own inner child with communication difficulties company. I cannot fully understand his logic, and I do not expect him to recover, to achieve anything outwardly, or to make so-called “progress.” I simply keep him company quietly, acknowledge him, and respect him. Quiet companionship. I have neither the standing nor the ability to criticize or judge him. “I” am no longer a harsh parent or a superego; I am his brother. We are both children of the universe, energy of the universe.

“We” accept each other. When “we” are both at peace in our lives and feel the tranquility of the id, this is already the far shore. I feel at one with him, and my self is no longer fragmented but forms an undivided whole, in unity with heaven—even though he and I—a whole complex multitude of “I”s—are all far from perfect.

“I,” especially surface-level verbal thinking, am not the whole of me, and in particular am not the fundamental id. Only when the surface-level I forms a deep connection with the deeper mind am “I” the complete me, feeling the energy the universe has given me. (See my earlier article, “Zhuangzi’s ‘Discussion on Making All Things Equal’ and Marx: From Surface-Level Verbal Thinking to the Deeper Mind.”)

“Healing your inner child” is sometimes understood superficially as using reason to manage and plan for the inner child, with an implication of negating the inner child as well. This is an inappropriate understanding.

Addendum:

I mean no disrespect toward children with communication difficulties or families of children with special needs. If anything is inappropriate, I will delete or revise it immediately. Wishing everyone well.