We Have Always Been Fighting Alongside Our Past Selves

People often say they want to go back in time, embrace their past selves, and show compassion for who they were.

In fact, we have been fighting shoulder to shoulder with our past selves all along.

Familiar karmic obstructions and inner demons, those old adversaries, keep reappearing. We have been facing the same old adversary all along. Karmic obstructions and inner demons bring our past ego-selves into the present again and again, making us relive the breakdown, dissociation, helplessness, and lowliness our past selves experienced.

We realize that even as we are now, we can barely bear this pain—how much harder must it have been for who we were then? We come to see that our past selves were brave, wise warriors, neither lowly nor vulgar. It is precisely because they were so brave and wise, embodying truth, goodness, and beauty, that we have made it this far.

The goodness in who we were then made today’s progress possible, and today’s progress allows us to see that past goodness. Through this virtuous cycle, we eventually come to feel the tranquility of our true nature and our innate wholeness, see into the heart and realize our nature, and experience transcendent wisdom and nirvana.

Whenever we face the pain of these karmic obstructions, we once again feel hurt and lowly. At the same time, though, we realize how strong we were back then, and our future selves will likewise realize how strong we are now. It is like a diver deep underwater, desperately short of oxygen, suffering and feeling small, who at the same time feels profound calm, confidence, and strength. It is precisely because the diver has bravely plunged into the abyss and faced it that they experience this limit. At this stage, pain and lowliness actually make us feel that we are wonderful—really, wonderfully wonderful.

Psychologically, one core drive behind our continual repetition of a particular pain, karmic obstruction, toxic pattern, or relationship pattern is our need to save our past selves, to keep fighting shoulder to shoulder with them. We repeat the experience of being abandoned and hurt in order to save the selves who broke down after being abandoned and hurt back then. The positive significance of human fixation lies in launching one assault after another until the position is captured. Humans are the true moths drawn to a flame: moths do not know that fire brings pain, while humans know full well and still throw themselves into it again and again.

But we do not actually have to recreate that pain or repeat it to redeem ourselves. We have no need for redemption at all: human nature is complete in itself, with innate wholeness. When we are simply ordinary, we are tranquil and feel good. There is no need to throw ourselves into hell and then search for tranquility. There is no need to keep drowning in order to enjoy the peace and ease of standing on solid ground—that is an S&M game of playing with suffocation. It is just that our past selves became accustomed to seeking tranquility in hell.

There is no need to enter hell. No ego, no attachment. No desires or demands, no worries or cares.

As the ego and karmic obstructions gradually fade, the fragments of the soul and heart are continually gathered back in, and the self grows ever stronger, while our true nature remains tranquil and at ease throughout.