Male Self-Objectification: Being Admired, and Desire as the Other's Desire

Over the years, the idea that women should not objectify themselves has become widely recognized on Xiaohongshu. Male self-objectification has received less analysis.

There are two kinds of self-objectification.

The first is direct objectification: beauty, physique, and also high educational qualifications and high social value—society’s “objective” assessments, treating people as commodities, trophies, or capital assets. There is also a cruder form of direct objectification: women’s value in “bearing and raising children” and men’s value as “providers”—having money and being willing to spend it, or being dependable, earning a living, and handing over their wages. In recent years, there has been a so-called awakening of “men’s rights,” aimed at dismantling the narrative that men’s value lies in providing.

The second is an abstract, indirect, symbolic form of instrumentalization: being the object of infatuation, admiration, or recognition from the opposite sex or other people. This is what Lacan called “desire is the desire of the Other”: purely external, subjective social judgments that confer social capital. This type accounts for a larger share among men. To put it simply and vividly, their sexual fantasies are not about a particular kind of person they admire, but about being admired by high-value women. Women also engage in this kind of abstract instrumentalization—for instance, they often turn themselves into instrumental figures such as the “great mother” or “good wife,” defined by great self-sacrifice and a high moral standing.

Direct objectification—the pursuit of good looks and high social value—actually has some positive significance, provided it does not become pathological, because it is connected with genuine self-management and self-improvement. The abstract, indirect form of objectification more typical of men involves somewhat greater alienation. Women are somewhat more progressive: apart from being more oppressed and somewhat more proletarian than men, they also have a lower degree of “active,” abstract alienation. Receiving fewer benefits from society and being less caught up in it leaves them somewhat less alienated by it.

Objectification actually corresponds to exploitation and sacrifice. The form of female instrumentalization often discussed is the sacrifice of the dutiful wife and loving mother, while the male form is the sacrifice of blind loyalty and blind filial piety—which also requires sacrificing one’s wife and children, as in the story of Guo Ju burying his son to provide for his mother. The former is direct, crude disciplining; the latter is indirect disciplining through inducement.

Many people criticize Chinese men for not caring about dressing well or staying in shape. One reason is a deliberate stripping away of the directly objectifying elements—appearance, power, and money—in pursuit of a “pure” fantasy of “narcissism–being desired by the Other.” Men’s fondness for grand narratives, heroic legends, and showing off also has this dimension. Another reason is that this represents an extreme form of compensation for the wounded narcissism of men deprived of power over more than a thousand years: the aloof scholar who disdains worldly pursuits and wins the love of a talented woman.

There are many examples of this in cultural works:

The popularity of the television series *The Way of Heaven* is a very typical example. A highly accomplished elite man lives in poverty and wears shabby clothes, having deliberately stripped away all the conventional markers of a “successful man.” He is a sage beyond the mundane world, pronouncing on the affairs of the nation, and yet a beautiful policewoman admires him. This fits many people’s wish-fulfillment fantasies very well. The actor Wang Zhiwen happens to suit this role perfectly. He is actually rather unattractive, with thinning hair, heavy bags under his eyes, and soft, feminine features, yet his voice, bearing, and conversation are highly charismatic.

*Farewell My Concubine* also offers a classic storyline: Yu Ji, a peerless beauty, is the ultimate trophy, and the Hegemon-King, admired by all, retains his glory even in defeat—as a loser.

*Mr. Six* is another typical example, though a somewhat negative one. The aging street tough played by Feng Xiaogang falls short in every respect, yet has an extraordinary aura of badass prestige. A gorgeous woman admires him, indulges him, and caters to him; his buddies humor him and follow him with blades in hand. A classic wish-fulfillment fantasy.

In American culture, in Korean culture influenced by American culture, and in mainland China in recent years, men have increasingly paid attention to keeping their bodies in shape. Behind this are social changes with some positive significance. There is an element of the superficial, direct objectification mentioned above: greater individualization, a greater orientation toward capital, and some loosening of the collectivism of the old agrarian society.

Psychology and culture are complex and difficult to cover comprehensively. This is only an opening for discussion.