How People Change Others: Through the Resonance of Our True Nature, Not Through Giving or Coercion

I. Dark Clouds Gradually Disperse, Revealing the Sun

Karmic obstructions are like dark clouds, concealing the light of our true nature. If everything were entirely light to begin with, there would be no way to speak of “light.” It is precisely because there is “darkness” that light becomes apparent by contrast.

The process of healing is one in which light gradually expands and karmic obstructions gradually disperse. People change little by little; karmic obstructions disperse little by little.

Life always brings pain, challenges, and suffering. Old karmic obstructions disperse, and new ones accumulate. Clouds scatter and gather.

Our true nature has always been luminous and needs no cultivation or realization. The dispersal of karmic obstructions is beyond our control, leaving even less scope for spiritual practice.

With the light of our true nature in its innate wholeness, we illuminate our helplessness as karmic obstructions disperse and gather anew.

Accepting our karmic obstructions and the limitations of our spiritual attainment is itself a form of wisdom and spiritual attainment.

“Zhuangzi’s Eight Absences”: No ego, no attachment; no ability, no contrived action; no desire, no demands; no worries, no cares.

II. Connection Through Light

Through the cracks where karmic obstructions have dispersed, light shines through, allowing us to see the light of our own true nature and that of another. The radiance of my true nature passes through the cracks in my karmic obstructions and forms a connection with the radiance of yours.

See your true nature; see that your own heart is Buddha, and that everyone is Buddha.

See the light in all things; see that life and nonlife have always existed unconditionally.

See heaven and earth, see all beings, see yourself.

Resonance brings strength. It melts the shards of ice within us both. Our channels form a connection. Zhuangzi’s “On the Equality of Things”; the unity of heaven and humanity.

III. Benefiting Others Through Stillness

Wanting too much to change others is not, as people imagine, “calling loudly to wake someone who is asleep” or “rousing them to awakening.”

It is trying to attract someone’s attention by raising your voice even louder in a noisy room where everyone is shouting.

Your voice grows hoarse, you can do nothing, and you join the ranks of the agitated.

Stillness and happiness can, in themselves, spread to another person and help them become still.

Stillness spreads. Zhuangzi: “Silent as the depths, yet resounding like thunder.”

From the earlier essay “Zhuangzi: Benefiting Others Through Stillness”: “People do not look for their reflection in flowing water, but in still water.”

IV. Accepting Yourself Is Precisely Accepting Others

To benefit others through stillness, you simply remain still and exist unconditionally.

To exist unconditionally and accept yourself is, in itself, to convey a message: the other person, too, exists unconditionally and is accepted. When this heart is at peace, that peace spreads.

An ordinary person who accepts themselves and has made peace with themselves can give another ordinary person immense comfort, encouragement, faith, and resonance. This is the truth of helping others.

Everyone has innate wholeness. Outward appearances unsettle us. The true self is tranquil, without desires or demands.

Egos repel one another; true selves are connected.

V. Meditative Stillness Spreads

Stillness spreads, peace spreads, acceptance spreads.

The passing of the heart’s flame in Chan Buddhism is the spreading of meditative stillness.

Only the true self heals silently; only your own true self gives others confidence and light.

The true self and its essential nature are inborn, original, and natural. Let nature nourish nature.

There is therefore no basis for gratitude as a debt of kindness: the other person has not bestowed light upon you. Rather, light forms a connection and resonates. There is only appreciation, the feeling of being deeply moved.

VI. The Pain of Pricking a Blood Blister

Wanting too much to change others is like wanting too much to burst their bubbles. It is craving and deluded thinking.

You believe you can easily burst the bubble and bring about change, so that the other person will no longer be troubled by it.

But that bubble is a blood blister. Pricking it brings pain, alarm, defensiveness, and retaliation.

All beings suffer. As with Nightingale, gentleness is a guiding light.